Saturday Morning

I have decided to write alot about my personal journey on this blog, and keep my Universal Life Force Energy Exchange for writing about the insights and inspirations gained in my journey of transmitting Universal Love. Also, on that blog I will write about new techniques, meditations, and affirmations that I come up with along the way.

This blog will also contain a lot more personal, family stuff. It's Saturday morning, and of course, the two boys made sure that we couldn't sleep in. They got up early (on school days, we can't pry them out of bed) and Prasad broke the gate so the puppy got out of the house. In the laboratory of families, and the daily insanity and struggles, joys and triumphs, this is where all spiritual ambitions meet their ultimate test.

Here is my 12 year dedication:

I dedicate and commit and surrender myself to communicating Universal Love and Life Force Energy into this Exchange every day in a row from January 1, 2010 through January 1, 2022.

I will transmit this Love on a daily basis, through the quantum portals of my ever-expanding heart and hands, for the highest good of everyone who will ever be contained in it.

During each session, I will drop my consciousness into the Quantum Unified Field of Love, and transmit the Energy from that no-place, place. From that Invisible, Universal Location of Love, I send the Healing, Sacred Energy to all the beings who are now, or will ever be placed in the Quantum Pages of this book.

Because the Energy is "transmitted" from the Quantum Field, which encompasses time, yet not bound by it, during each daily session of 12 minutes or more - all the linear moments from January 1, 2010 through January 1, 2022 of all the beings who are now, or will ever be contained here, will be gently bathed in this Universal, Ecstatic, Ever-New Love.

May the Hands of Universal Love be forever held around all beings in this Exchange, in every second, moment, day - in every struggle - in every victory - in every moment of pain and in every moment of joy - from January 1, 2010 through January 1, 2022.

This is my dedication. A lot can happen in 12 years. I pray for the strength, the health, the clarity - to send this Love every single day in a row, for 4,380 days straight.

Day 1 will be January 1, 2010.

Between now and then I am still quantumly communicating the Love, and spiritually gearing up for another run up Mount Everest of Love.

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My ambition is to open up on such a deep level, and communicate Universal Love, Joy, and Bliss through the quantum levels of energy, to all contained in my book. Of course, myself, Sky, Prasad, Amelie, Sorin, Liam, and my wife Christine are contained in my book, as well as extended family and relatives. I pray that this Universal Love be beneficially felt, received, and integrated by them according to what is in their highest and greatest good.

So, I am wondering whether I should even have two blogs. Seems like a lot for me. But, I will keep going with it.

Still here

I am still here. Just been busy with life! I am in the process of rearranging the contents of...

MY BRAIN!

6,048 Transcendent Self-Love Mantras

I believe that we all - at our essence - are made from a Love that is Transcendent, Divine, Eternal, True, Beautiful, and Everlasting. I think that we can use our breath and imaginations to open up the portals of our cells and atoms and rise our consciousness into that Transcendent Love. And I think that we can then BLOW that Love - unconditionally - regardless of how good or bad we may be feeling in the moment - back into ourselves. Kind of like the Soul is Loving Itself.

I just completed 6,048 of these Mantras, and today, I tweaked it just a bit.

For some reason, this version of the Mantra feels so much better for me. I feel so much more of an energetic charge from it. As I Love my Whole Self - body, mind, spirit, emotions, memories, dreams, pains, confusions, triumphs, past, future, now - the whole SheBang - I am automatically transmitting that same Love to all within me - the rest of humanity. Again, I truly believe that I am one with you - that you are one with me - that I am you - that you are me - that we are born, sustained, live, and melt into the same Energy, the same Love, the same Destiny.

This Thanksgiving - the whole concept of unconditional Love has been thrown back in my face in one of the most vile ways imaginable. My son did something that I cannot even repeat - and has thrown myself and my wife into a tailspin of shock, trauma, and disbelief. Nothing life-threatening - but something truly shocking. And so, my brain, body, and emotions are spinning - and I keep repeating this Mantra. It has been challenging - being at home throughout this break, day in and day out, living with these issues and all the anger and sadness it brings up - to just keep on vibrating the Mantra.

I believe that when I call in the highest vibration of Love into my mind and body, the ego will - in the most vile way it can - fight back. Maybe Sky doing what he did was the ego fighting back - maybe it is just a willful and unrepentant 8 year old body testing his parents in the most rage-filled way he can.

I want to help him - to step in - to go into his brain and fix his problems. I am panicking on so many levels. Holy God, what kind of life is he going to lead if he is acting so psychotically at age 8? What can I do to stop him from going down that path?

FIRST, and foremost, I need to continue healing myself. PARENTS, HEAL THYSELF! This is going through my mind. If I can do that - and stay sane even though I want to react to his behavior by "numbing out" - then I am serving Sky (and Prasad, and Amelie, and Sorin, and Liam) in the most effective, primordial way possible. IF WE, AS PARENTS CAN HEAL OURSELVES, THEN THIS WILL BE OUR CHILDREN'S SILENT INHERITANCE.

Can I go ahead of him, and tinker with the railroad tracks he is on, and try and divert the train away from the self-destructive path it seems like he is on?

For starters, I have written a short positive script to read him while he sleeps every night.

For seconds, I am going to start giving him energy therapy as often as possible.

For thirds, is the concept of therapy. I could get him a no-needle acupuncture to try and clear out the fear and rage that is within him. Then there is the other kind of therapy - psychotherapy. But that can get expensive.

When we had our family meeting, we were asking Sky what he was thinking when he did what he did, and he said:

"I felt madder at you and mom than I have ever felt..." and then his face contorted into rage for a split second, and it was like a window opened. I could see into the depth of that rage. And it frightened me.

But Love is more powerful than rage - because rage is always sitting on a pool of some other emotion, like powerlessness, fear, grief, loss. The feelings are so powerful - one does not know how to deal with it. Love is eternal. Rage is temporary.

The first time I remember starting to "rage" was in 1975 - when my family traveled to Independence Missouri for my uncle Harley's funeral. (This was after a few years of total blank in my mind where I am really certain that a lot of really horrid stuff happened to me at the hands of very sick people)

Us kids were walking down the street, and these other kids came up to us and started talking. This one kid was on his bike, he started talking trash to me. Telling everyone how he could kick my ass. And he wouldn't shut up. He just kept on, and kept on.

Until the lights went bright and blurry - and I burst over the bike and started to beat the hell out of him. I went blank. It was like some other energy swooped through me and I felt like I was not in my body at all. I was punching and punching him on the ground. He was bawling, and my cousin and brother had to pull me off of him. Following that incident, was several more over the years - including going FIST CRAZY on a huge football player in 9th grade - even though he was way, WAY bigger and WIDER than me.

So what am I trying to say? Maybe, just maybe I am saying that there is still more to heal and Sky is my teacher, reflecting back to me stuff I still need to heal.

And maybe, he has his own issues - but from where do they come from? He is not being abused. He has had this "UP YOURS" attitude since he was 3 years old - HE SIMPLY CANNOT STAND to be controlled, to have consequences, to have things taken away, to not get his way - and he reacts with seething rage every time he is denied something that he wants. And boy does he want, and want, and want, and want, and demand and demand and demand and demand. It never stops.

On the other hand, he is sweet and soft and kind and loves his family in the most beautiful way possible. He loves us, he loves his brother, he is loyal, smart, and has a deep softness about his heart.

But I am shaken - shaken but bot broken.

I will keep calling in this Love - this Transcendent Love - into my mind and body - and take the next step with Sky and my other kids.

Whatever that might be.

4,752 Self-Love Mantras

I have done 44 Rounds of 108 Repetitions of the Mantra. Each time I Love myself in this way, each Mantra, I am sending a pulse of Love and Light to all contained in this Exchange, to my family, and to all life everywhere. I am feeling a lot of emotional distress today, a lot of pain, because of my son Sky's behavior. The whole idea of unconditional Love is getting challenged within me in a big, big way. BUT, I am continuing with this journey of Loving myself from the Transcended State of Beingness. I am taking this whole process to heart. This Exchange is being distilled down to three basic steps:

1. Use the deliberate breath to open up our Beings and Love ourselves unconditionally. Then we will realize that to Love ourselves on the deepest, core level of our Beings, IS to send Love to ALL.

2. Transmit Love to the Great Masters, Mistresses, Saints, and Sages of all religions - and into the Heart of GOD, GODDESS, THE DIVINE. Love the Divine unconditionally. Loving God/dess unconditionally is the path to true liberation.

3. THEN, and only then, we will be able to place people into our books, fill up the 144 blank pages of this Exchange - and take 12 minutes and "send the Love" to all contained in this Exchange.

What I did for the first 174 days of this journey, was just send the Love to others and totally gloss over sending it to myself first.

I am building my foundation.

I am healing myself first.

3,456 Self-Love Mantras

I have been chanting the Mantra every day - and I was able to do 4 rounds of 108 each on Saturday and another 4 rounds of 108 on Sunday. I definitely feel like things are moving forward. A deep process of transformation is taking place. It feels really good, at the same time, it is also creating a lot of movement emotionally - stuff getting rearranged in my psyche. This creates its own type of tiredness.

2,160 Transcendent Unconditional Self-Love Mantras

After chanting the Mantra 2,160 times now, I am feeling really amazing. I feel like I am able to begin clearly seeing my true self in a long time. I have chanted 4 rounds of 108 each for five days in a row now. I am seeing myself differently. I am making better food choices, and I am feeling really good about myself. And I can totally feel that this is just the beginning.

The major AHA that came to me this week, was that I have become a total digital, internet news ADDICT, and so I decided to completely cut myself off from all NEWS for these 108 days. I have been a total addict. Going from site to site to site to site reading article after article - sucking my brain dry.

What really broke the camel's back was when I read that people professing to be Christians are praying for the demise of our president. That just sickened me so much, that I decided to completely disengage from the internet, except checking my email which I have to do for work, running credit card payments on paypal for work, and blogging. That's it for this 108 days. I am going to open a book, instead.

More later about all that I am experiencing. It is really beautiful!

Day 23 of ULFEE, and 832 Self-Love Mantras

I did 4 rounds of 108 deep and profound repetitions of the Self-Love Mantra today. Once on the way to Harrisonville Missouri for Court. Once in the parking lot of Whole Foods in Leawood Kansas. Another at Starbucks downtown KCMO. (I whispered the Mantra 108 times), and the last one parked in my car on 11th Street, downtown Kansas City Missouri.

I just now transmitted the Universal Love for a wonderful 20 minute meditation.

The main thing I feel, is tired. I feel wiped out, mainly because I didn't sleep as great last night because of the cup of decaf coffee I had at 3 pm. Yes, decaf does that to me. Another reason, is that I feel the Mantra, and this powerful inner journey of loving myself in this way, has kicked up some dust in my mind. And things are moving.

I feel really good about sleeping tonight. The darkness of our bed is calling to me, and its only 9pm!