Saturday Morning

I have decided to write alot about my personal journey on this blog, and keep my Universal Life Force Energy Exchange for writing about the insights and inspirations gained in my journey of transmitting Universal Love. Also, on that blog I will write about new techniques, meditations, and affirmations that I come up with along the way.

This blog will also contain a lot more personal, family stuff. It's Saturday morning, and of course, the two boys made sure that we couldn't sleep in. They got up early (on school days, we can't pry them out of bed) and Prasad broke the gate so the puppy got out of the house. In the laboratory of families, and the daily insanity and struggles, joys and triumphs, this is where all spiritual ambitions meet their ultimate test.

Here is my 12 year dedication:

I dedicate and commit and surrender myself to communicating Universal Love and Life Force Energy into this Exchange every day in a row from January 1, 2010 through January 1, 2022.

I will transmit this Love on a daily basis, through the quantum portals of my ever-expanding heart and hands, for the highest good of everyone who will ever be contained in it.

During each session, I will drop my consciousness into the Quantum Unified Field of Love, and transmit the Energy from that no-place, place. From that Invisible, Universal Location of Love, I send the Healing, Sacred Energy to all the beings who are now, or will ever be placed in the Quantum Pages of this book.

Because the Energy is "transmitted" from the Quantum Field, which encompasses time, yet not bound by it, during each daily session of 12 minutes or more - all the linear moments from January 1, 2010 through January 1, 2022 of all the beings who are now, or will ever be contained here, will be gently bathed in this Universal, Ecstatic, Ever-New Love.

May the Hands of Universal Love be forever held around all beings in this Exchange, in every second, moment, day - in every struggle - in every victory - in every moment of pain and in every moment of joy - from January 1, 2010 through January 1, 2022.

This is my dedication. A lot can happen in 12 years. I pray for the strength, the health, the clarity - to send this Love every single day in a row, for 4,380 days straight.

Day 1 will be January 1, 2010.

Between now and then I am still quantumly communicating the Love, and spiritually gearing up for another run up Mount Everest of Love.

~~~~

My ambition is to open up on such a deep level, and communicate Universal Love, Joy, and Bliss through the quantum levels of energy, to all contained in my book. Of course, myself, Sky, Prasad, Amelie, Sorin, Liam, and my wife Christine are contained in my book, as well as extended family and relatives. I pray that this Universal Love be beneficially felt, received, and integrated by them according to what is in their highest and greatest good.

So, I am wondering whether I should even have two blogs. Seems like a lot for me. But, I will keep going with it.

Still here

I am still here. Just been busy with life! I am in the process of rearranging the contents of...

MY BRAIN!

6,048 Transcendent Self-Love Mantras

I believe that we all - at our essence - are made from a Love that is Transcendent, Divine, Eternal, True, Beautiful, and Everlasting. I think that we can use our breath and imaginations to open up the portals of our cells and atoms and rise our consciousness into that Transcendent Love. And I think that we can then BLOW that Love - unconditionally - regardless of how good or bad we may be feeling in the moment - back into ourselves. Kind of like the Soul is Loving Itself.

I just completed 6,048 of these Mantras, and today, I tweaked it just a bit.

For some reason, this version of the Mantra feels so much better for me. I feel so much more of an energetic charge from it. As I Love my Whole Self - body, mind, spirit, emotions, memories, dreams, pains, confusions, triumphs, past, future, now - the whole SheBang - I am automatically transmitting that same Love to all within me - the rest of humanity. Again, I truly believe that I am one with you - that you are one with me - that I am you - that you are me - that we are born, sustained, live, and melt into the same Energy, the same Love, the same Destiny.

This Thanksgiving - the whole concept of unconditional Love has been thrown back in my face in one of the most vile ways imaginable. My son did something that I cannot even repeat - and has thrown myself and my wife into a tailspin of shock, trauma, and disbelief. Nothing life-threatening - but something truly shocking. And so, my brain, body, and emotions are spinning - and I keep repeating this Mantra. It has been challenging - being at home throughout this break, day in and day out, living with these issues and all the anger and sadness it brings up - to just keep on vibrating the Mantra.

I believe that when I call in the highest vibration of Love into my mind and body, the ego will - in the most vile way it can - fight back. Maybe Sky doing what he did was the ego fighting back - maybe it is just a willful and unrepentant 8 year old body testing his parents in the most rage-filled way he can.

I want to help him - to step in - to go into his brain and fix his problems. I am panicking on so many levels. Holy God, what kind of life is he going to lead if he is acting so psychotically at age 8? What can I do to stop him from going down that path?

FIRST, and foremost, I need to continue healing myself. PARENTS, HEAL THYSELF! This is going through my mind. If I can do that - and stay sane even though I want to react to his behavior by "numbing out" - then I am serving Sky (and Prasad, and Amelie, and Sorin, and Liam) in the most effective, primordial way possible. IF WE, AS PARENTS CAN HEAL OURSELVES, THEN THIS WILL BE OUR CHILDREN'S SILENT INHERITANCE.

Can I go ahead of him, and tinker with the railroad tracks he is on, and try and divert the train away from the self-destructive path it seems like he is on?

For starters, I have written a short positive script to read him while he sleeps every night.

For seconds, I am going to start giving him energy therapy as often as possible.

For thirds, is the concept of therapy. I could get him a no-needle acupuncture to try and clear out the fear and rage that is within him. Then there is the other kind of therapy - psychotherapy. But that can get expensive.

When we had our family meeting, we were asking Sky what he was thinking when he did what he did, and he said:

"I felt madder at you and mom than I have ever felt..." and then his face contorted into rage for a split second, and it was like a window opened. I could see into the depth of that rage. And it frightened me.

But Love is more powerful than rage - because rage is always sitting on a pool of some other emotion, like powerlessness, fear, grief, loss. The feelings are so powerful - one does not know how to deal with it. Love is eternal. Rage is temporary.

The first time I remember starting to "rage" was in 1975 - when my family traveled to Independence Missouri for my uncle Harley's funeral. (This was after a few years of total blank in my mind where I am really certain that a lot of really horrid stuff happened to me at the hands of very sick people)

Us kids were walking down the street, and these other kids came up to us and started talking. This one kid was on his bike, he started talking trash to me. Telling everyone how he could kick my ass. And he wouldn't shut up. He just kept on, and kept on.

Until the lights went bright and blurry - and I burst over the bike and started to beat the hell out of him. I went blank. It was like some other energy swooped through me and I felt like I was not in my body at all. I was punching and punching him on the ground. He was bawling, and my cousin and brother had to pull me off of him. Following that incident, was several more over the years - including going FIST CRAZY on a huge football player in 9th grade - even though he was way, WAY bigger and WIDER than me.

So what am I trying to say? Maybe, just maybe I am saying that there is still more to heal and Sky is my teacher, reflecting back to me stuff I still need to heal.

And maybe, he has his own issues - but from where do they come from? He is not being abused. He has had this "UP YOURS" attitude since he was 3 years old - HE SIMPLY CANNOT STAND to be controlled, to have consequences, to have things taken away, to not get his way - and he reacts with seething rage every time he is denied something that he wants. And boy does he want, and want, and want, and want, and demand and demand and demand and demand. It never stops.

On the other hand, he is sweet and soft and kind and loves his family in the most beautiful way possible. He loves us, he loves his brother, he is loyal, smart, and has a deep softness about his heart.

But I am shaken - shaken but bot broken.

I will keep calling in this Love - this Transcendent Love - into my mind and body - and take the next step with Sky and my other kids.

Whatever that might be.

4,752 Self-Love Mantras

I have done 44 Rounds of 108 Repetitions of the Mantra. Each time I Love myself in this way, each Mantra, I am sending a pulse of Love and Light to all contained in this Exchange, to my family, and to all life everywhere. I am feeling a lot of emotional distress today, a lot of pain, because of my son Sky's behavior. The whole idea of unconditional Love is getting challenged within me in a big, big way. BUT, I am continuing with this journey of Loving myself from the Transcended State of Beingness. I am taking this whole process to heart. This Exchange is being distilled down to three basic steps:

1. Use the deliberate breath to open up our Beings and Love ourselves unconditionally. Then we will realize that to Love ourselves on the deepest, core level of our Beings, IS to send Love to ALL.

2. Transmit Love to the Great Masters, Mistresses, Saints, and Sages of all religions - and into the Heart of GOD, GODDESS, THE DIVINE. Love the Divine unconditionally. Loving God/dess unconditionally is the path to true liberation.

3. THEN, and only then, we will be able to place people into our books, fill up the 144 blank pages of this Exchange - and take 12 minutes and "send the Love" to all contained in this Exchange.

What I did for the first 174 days of this journey, was just send the Love to others and totally gloss over sending it to myself first.

I am building my foundation.

I am healing myself first.

3,456 Self-Love Mantras

I have been chanting the Mantra every day - and I was able to do 4 rounds of 108 each on Saturday and another 4 rounds of 108 on Sunday. I definitely feel like things are moving forward. A deep process of transformation is taking place. It feels really good, at the same time, it is also creating a lot of movement emotionally - stuff getting rearranged in my psyche. This creates its own type of tiredness.

2,160 Transcendent Unconditional Self-Love Mantras

After chanting the Mantra 2,160 times now, I am feeling really amazing. I feel like I am able to begin clearly seeing my true self in a long time. I have chanted 4 rounds of 108 each for five days in a row now. I am seeing myself differently. I am making better food choices, and I am feeling really good about myself. And I can totally feel that this is just the beginning.

The major AHA that came to me this week, was that I have become a total digital, internet news ADDICT, and so I decided to completely cut myself off from all NEWS for these 108 days. I have been a total addict. Going from site to site to site to site reading article after article - sucking my brain dry.

What really broke the camel's back was when I read that people professing to be Christians are praying for the demise of our president. That just sickened me so much, that I decided to completely disengage from the internet, except checking my email which I have to do for work, running credit card payments on paypal for work, and blogging. That's it for this 108 days. I am going to open a book, instead.

More later about all that I am experiencing. It is really beautiful!

Day 23 of ULFEE, and 832 Self-Love Mantras

I did 4 rounds of 108 deep and profound repetitions of the Self-Love Mantra today. Once on the way to Harrisonville Missouri for Court. Once in the parking lot of Whole Foods in Leawood Kansas. Another at Starbucks downtown KCMO. (I whispered the Mantra 108 times), and the last one parked in my car on 11th Street, downtown Kansas City Missouri.

I just now transmitted the Universal Love for a wonderful 20 minute meditation.

The main thing I feel, is tired. I feel wiped out, mainly because I didn't sleep as great last night because of the cup of decaf coffee I had at 3 pm. Yes, decaf does that to me. Another reason, is that I feel the Mantra, and this powerful inner journey of loving myself in this way, has kicked up some dust in my mind. And things are moving.

I feel really good about sleeping tonight. The darkness of our bed is calling to me, and its only 9pm!

432 Mantras in....

(Day 22 of sending the Love.... going well)

I am grateful to report that I made it through the first day, and deeply repeated the Mantra 432 times + today. + because I find myself repeating the mantra when I am not actively doing 108 rounds. When I am talking to people, working, walking to and from my car, in line at the store, etc... I find myself repeating and feeling it.

I want to do more, but I am going to sleep with the restful thought that I made it through day one, and I have 107 days to go!

Journey of over 10,000 Transcendent, Unconditional Self-Love Mantras has begun

The journey of feeling, chanting, and vibrating this Mantra over 10,000 times has begun. I just did a round 0f 108 chants with my Rudraksha Mala Necklace on my drive into Kansas City today. Actually, my real goal is to chant this Mantra 108 times, 4 times a day, for 108 straight days. That will come to 46,656 Mantras. 4 x 108 is 432..... x 108 equals 46,656 Repetitions.

I chant this Mantra for my highest benefit, and for the highest benefit of all who are now, or will ever be, contained within the quantum, spiritual pages of this Universal Life Force Energy Exchange. But my focus is on Loving myself transcendentally, unconditionally - while knowing that this internal act will automatically reach the Divine, and automatically impact all beings on earth on the subtle, quantum levels of reality. It's automatic because quantumly and energetically - we are all one. Each of us are a holographic microcasm of the whole. In each of our minds and hearts - we carry the rest of the world. The world doesn't carry us, we carry the world in our consciousness. Reality is created from the inside out.

So... with that said, with that intention, I begin this journey of chanting this Mantra 46,656 times in 108 days. Now, I know that this is going to be extremely challenging, especially in the beginning. I know that this will likely bring up strong emotions, feelings, and old gunk that needs to heal. I vow to take care of myself in this process. I WILL chant this Mantra in a melodic, harmonic, hypnotic, spiritual way in 4 rounds of 108 repetitions each day, for 108 days in a row.

I will continue the journey, as well, of transmitting Universal Love into this Exchange (it is day 22), but my focus will be on sending this Love through my own being first.

My intention is not to repeat the words of this Mantra like a mindless robot, but to feel, vibrate, and allow the Mantra to shake, reverberate, and penetrate every level of my mind, body, and soul. My goal is to saturate every level of my mind (conscious, subconscious, and superconscious) with this Mantra to such a degree that my soul hums with unconditional self-love, and to the degree that my life totally transforms.

Breath of Universal Love Meditation

This meditation is in my book, but here is a summary of it: Focusing on the center of my heart, I breathe in deeply while using my creative intent and imagination to expand and pull the center of my heart into the Divine. And on each exhaling breath, I completely relax my whole body while flooding Transcendent, Universal Love into my mind, body, cells, and atoms - ultimately revealing the body to be transparent vibrations of light. I immediately breathe in again and keep the Universal Love circulating in the same way. I breathe in this way continuously, with no pause between my in and out breaths. I will do this meditation every day.

I will then incorporate the Mantra into the movement of my breath. I will chant aloud, whisper, and mentally broadcast this Mantra in a powerful, passionate way - so that every cell of my body feels the reverberations - so that all life everywhere feels it. I will relax as deeply as possible during each round of powerful, vibrating repetitions.

I will surround all moments of pain, trauma, ugliness - from my past - in this Mantra. I will allow all feelings and thoughts contrary to this Mantra to effortlessly and joyously transmute into Love. Even when it hurts, I WILL CONTINUE this process. I WILL DO 4 ROUNDS OF 108 REPETITIONS FOR 108 CONTINUOUS DAYS, BEGINNING TODAY. I WILL! I call upon the forces of body, mind, energy, breath, Love, and Spirit - to aid me in this process of total self-healing and transformation - and I dedicate this to the greatest benefit of my wife, children, extended family, friends, relatives, community, country, and planet.

The Benefits

Spiritual: I believe that the key to experiencing union with the Divine, is to first Love myself without condition or compromise. If I can Love myself no matter what, and do it deeply and passionately, then I am contacting God/dess/Divine. This is because I am created by the Divine, and what is created can never be separate from the Creator. There is only oneness. Is this a trip down ego lane? I don't think so. I believe that the ego thrives on self-hatred and not on self-love. Egotistical vanity and narcissism, I believe, has at its root a deep and abiding self-hatred. Only by Loving myself unconditionally can I transcend the traps of the ego. So... I hope that the benefits will be a deeper feeling of unity, oneness, joy, peace, calmness. As I Love myself in this way, may I feel this Love reaching the Ecstatic Heart of God/dess.

Emotional: As I Love myself in this deep, profound, and consistent ways, I believe that all emotions, feelings, thoughts, memories, traumas, beliefs that are contrary to Love - will rise to the surface and wash to the shores of my consciousness - to ultimately be bathed in the sunlight of Love and be transmuted into Love. Ultimately, leaving me free of all the bondage and pain of my childhood, which I still carry around with me in this rather heavy knapsack on my back.

My marriage: This one is huge. Jill and I have traveled to three foreign countries together and brought back three amazing souls. It all started in late November, early December of 1999 when she sent me a blind email on AOL. From the moment I saw her eyes, I felt a total shift in my soul, a melting, a softening - and I knew I was hooked for life. Almost 7 months later, we married at a beautiful retreat center in Baldwin Kansas. Over the last 10 years there have been many challenges, issues, problems, arguments - and many, MANY more moments of goofiness, laughter, love, playfulness, and travel. WE ARE STILL TOGETHER 10 YEARS LATER. From a person who never really sustained any type of long term relationship before I met her, this is huge. So... the act of Loving myself, I believe, takes any relationship to a higher level. My prayer is that these next 108 days will lift our union to higher levels of joy, peace, calmness, and love.

My kids: Boy, what a biggie. I believe, just as I stated in an earlier post, that the biggest act of service parents can do for their kids is to LOVE THEMSELVES deeply, passionately, and unconditionally. This will help heal and transmute the closet full of ghosts and skeletons - which our kids will find and begin to reflect back to us in the daily trenches of life with them. I know this is the case. Parenting drives me friggin' nuts most of the time. Both my middle boys, ages 9 and 8, are showing me so many problems and issues with self-esteem, bad attitudes, self-injurious behaviors, dramas, manipulations, bawling - and YES - a lot of laughs and a lot of Love. They are beautiful, and they are beautifully demanding and they drive me absolutely out of my mind in such a beautiful way! Sometimes, no, most of the time, I scratch my head in utter exhaustion and confusion and wonder if anything I say to them, AT ALL, gets through. SO, to Sorin, Liam, Prasad, Sky, and Amelie - these 108 days are for you!!

My body: Geesh, I almost don't even want to talk about it. I have been on a roller coaster of gaining and losing about 10 pounds for the whole ten years I have been married to Christine. I consider myself healthy, generally. I am vegetarian. I mostly overeat out of a sense of exhaustion, stress, and boredom. This year, I have had a few problems manifest in my body. Back going out several times. Sciatica pain shooting down my right leg. Thats about it. Plus being heavier than I wish to be. My prediction, is that these 46,656 Mantras over the next 108 days will have a positive impact on my health, vibrancy, energy, weight, and well-being. Right now, I weigh 170 pounds. Would like to weigh 150 pounds. Let's see what happens.

Prosperity: I believe that Self-Love creates a magnetic attraction that pulls prosperity of all kinds into my life. We shall see.

Ultimately, my intention is that this act of Self-Love, these thousands of Mantras, will have a subtle, energetic, quantum impact on other human beings. MY GOAL is to attract 10,000 people into this Exchange who each make a commitment to powerfully vibrate this Mantra at least 10,000 times. 10,000 times 10,000 is 100,000,000 (one hundred million). One hundred million Transcendent Self-Love Mantras being felt, vibrated, and resonated within 10,000 bodies and minds, I HOPE, will help impact human consciousness in a small way.

Why 108 days?

I am chanting the Mantra 46,656 times because I want to practice what I write about in my book. If I can't do this for the next 108 days, then I have no business writing this book. I want to go way above what I suggest for others. Everyone is different. I tend to bite off more than I can chew and then spend the rest of my life chewing! You could do 4 rounds of 108 Repetitions a day for 27 days and reach 11,664 Repetitions. Or less. Or more. Whatever you choose. If a person just did one round of 108 Repetitions a day for 10 days, that would be 1,080. Not bad. Each person should do whatever is comfortable to them. Why 108 days? I just like the number. There are 108 beads on my Rudraksha Mala Necklace. 4 rounds of 108 a day is very challenging, but perfectly so. Again, this is just for me.

And numbers, for many, are not that big of a deal. You could repeat and feel the Mantra once a day in a really powerful way - and have it make more of an impact than if you repeated it mindlessly all day long. I'm just into numbers. Obsessively so? Probably. But I accept that about myself.

Speaking of Rudraksha

Rudraksha Beads are from India, and look like little brown, bumpy seeds. They are said to carry a high vibration, and help to balance the energy field. Jill used to sell them on eBay, so we still have a bunch of them laying around.

I use my necklace to count my repetitions. My intention is to "store" or "install" or "imprint" each Mantra into each bead as I repeat, feel, and count them. After each round of 108 Repetitions, I put it back on. It is long enough that it drapes around my heart. So after 108 days, I will be "wearing the 46,656 Mantras around my heart. I believe this will transform my life in ways I cannot even predict.

Universal Love/Om/Energy

The Mantra is in the Universal Life Force Energy Exchange book, and is being bathed in Reiki/Universal Love/Om - so each time someone wraps their warm, beautiful hands around the book - the Mantra will become even more potent to repeat, feel, and vibrate.

Loving ourselves in the conscious presence of others

To join together, in mind, heart, and soul - with one or many other people - and chant this Mantra - is even more amazing. I would love to start a small group once a month to chant this Mantra together. If you join me in doing this, know that each time you repeat this Mantra, there are many others who are repeating it with you on the quantum level. This inner support is a beautiful thing. Ultimately, we are Loving each other when we Love ourselves. This is because on a deep, profound level - WE ARE EACH OTHER.

The long, echoing, melodic chant of the Mantra

I like to chant the Mantra in a melodic way. Kind of hard to get across in words, but I'll try:

With the Trannn-sscendent Love that I aaaammmmm....

I Love myself, unconditional-eeeeeeeee.

I chant the Mantra in an echoing, soft, beautiful rhythm, feeling it on every level of my body, mind, and soul. I can either chant it fast, slow, slower. I can chant it aloud, in a whisper, or mentally. Doing it mentally takes more concentration because the mind does tend to wander.

How long does one round of 108 Repetitions take?

Let me find out - I will do round 2 for the day now....

Took 13 minutes

Day 21 - AHA

Review

I have been experiencing a major AHA in my approach to sending Universal Love to others through the book I wrote. The last 144 pages have a Reiki Collage on them, which looks like a lot of squiggly lines and shapes. But they are Reiki Symbols, which help the mind to focus the intent of transmitting the healing Life-Force Energy to others for their highest benefit. I have a lot of photos I pasted on them, as well as names of people I have just written down. The point is to close the book, place my hands around it, and then transmit this Universal Energy to all of them at once. I have been doing this since May of this year. I went 174 days in a row, then missed a day on day 175.

Now I am starting over, and I am on day 20. I decided to focus on three year periods at a time. The first three years I am focusing on the Life-Force Energy as AUM, or OM, the primordial Sound that gave birth to matter and form. I breathe deeply, opening my heart, mind, cells and atoms with each long inhaling breath, and as I exhale, I chant OMMMMM, or whisper OMMMM, and then I send this OM Vibration to all contained in the pages of this Exchange. For these first 20 days I have done 20 minute meditations daily. This has really taken this whole process to a higher level for me.

At the same time, I have struggled in my life in other ways. Adjusting to a bigger family, more responsibility, more work, feeling exhausted, working, long weekends, etc. And my back pain, I think I am making major progress with my inversion table. The pain started coming back, so I went back to doing it twice a day. My body is going through a lot of changes, and I have a lot of stress. I am someone that stresses easily, so these meditations are an absolute necessity for me.

And I feel like meditation is nothing unless I am doing it as an act of service to others. Meditating just for myself is nothing at all. It means nothing, unless I dedicate its fruits to the improvement of humankind.

Sending Reiki to humanity

This is a real challenge for me. On several of my Reiki Collage Pages, I have pasted printouts of geographical locations, like the United States, Canada, Mexico, Afghanistan, Iraq, Ground Zero, Guantanamo Bay, Israel, Palestine, Ethiopia, with the intention that all the Universal Love I extend into this book, and all the Love everyone else does to, will flow to every human being, animal, plant within that region.

I have taken four major international trips in my life: London in 1988; Guatemala City in 2002 and 2003 to adopt Sky; Mumbai and New Delhi India in 2007 to adopt Prasad; and Addis Ababa Ethiopia in September of 2009 to Adopt Amelie.

Especially during the India and the Ethiopia trip, I was completely blown away by the sheer numbers of people. So many thousands, millions, all crammed into the smallest geographical areas. On the trip over there, in the airports, again I witnessed so many thousands and millions of people streaming by like a massive river.

Overwhelming, really.

So how could I, this person sitting in a room in Kansas with his hands around a book, transmit Universal Life Force Energy to everyone in a geographical region? That's crazy and egocentric, says one big huge part of me. Totally whacked.

The answer is: I can't. In my mind, it is simply too much. It is overwhelming, like I get lost in a sea of humanity if I think about sending Love to all of them at the same time. But nevertheless, I am not taking the printouts out of the book, because its not just my Love I am sending to them all, but the Energy anyone, anywhere, at any time, sends into this book - is also flowing to all those people in that geographical region. If I think about 1,000 people or more sending the Love, then it is not so monumental to me.

Set aside the millions of people on Earth that I am praying for in this strange way of sending the Love through my hands, set all those millions of people aside, I am having a hard time dealing with the five kids in my house. I am feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, like nothing I do is getting through to them. Wiped out. Stressed out. I knew there would be a transition period, but I am feeling it. All my family is in this book (relatives too), so I am working really hard about being an effortless channel of Love to them.

Did I bite off more than I can chew in creating this global healing book? Especially when I am feeling so tired at home? Whatever the answer, I am just going to keep going.

Anyway, back to the point of what I am trying to express. My AHA:

It all starts, and ends really, with bathing my own mind and body in unconditional Love. I need to completely and transcendentally and unconditionally Love myself, first, foremost, and always.

Loving myself, both transcendentally and unconditionally, is the key that unlocks the universe, and allows the Universal Love to reach my children, my wife, my community, and all those millions of people. Loving myself is the access point to the Quantum Field of the Universe where we all are one.

My Mantra

With the Transcendent Love that I am...

I Love myself unconditionally...

With my deep in-breath, I pull my heart into the Divine and with each exhale, I pour Universal Love into my cells, atoms, heart, and mind. And within this fluid movement of my breath, I repeat, feel, and vibrate this Mantra.

There is no such thing as global healing....

Only self-healing that has gone global. I get it. I really get it. To Love myself is to Love the Divine. To Love the Divine is to Love all humanity, the earth, and all of life everywhere.

I am going on a journey now, of chanting the Mantra 10,000 times. When I send Love into this Exchange, my main focus will be on Loving myself in the highest, most beautiful way possible - and forgiving myself completely.

Parenting

Loving myself, completely, unconditionally, transcendentally, is the key to good parenting as well, because I believe that our children pick up and carry with them our unconscious beliefs and patterns.All parents have that "unconscious closet" where we hide all our gunk and secrets. Unless we deal with these skeletons, these traumas, these old issues - our kids will find that closet and start wearing our unconscious costumes.

Our unconscious becomes their unconscious.

Our patterns become theirs.

So if I can fully heal myself on all levels, that Self-Love will automatically flow to them because, in reality, my kids are me. They are my blood, my heart, my breath, my dreams - they are everything to me. I think every parent could say that. So by Loving myself, I am Loving them, and having a larger impact on their lives than anything else.

Day 14

Boy, have I been busy at home dealing with what seems like an army of children, but in reality it is only a few kids. I have been feeling really swamped in so many ways. It is day 14 of this new journey, and I am really ecstatic. I have been "Ommmm......ing" into the book, and into this Exchange every day now for 20 minutes at a time. I really feel myself drop down into an ecstatic state of oneness, and I can feel the OM vibrate through the quantum radio antennas of my cells and atoms - to all. It feels really fantastic.

I have also been re-writing the 108 questions that I started this year with. That feels good.

The main challenge for me has been my 9 and 8 year old boys. If one of them is not having a meltdown, the other one is. It's like they take turns with their problems. They are never having problems at the same time. And it also feels like they are shooting a "machine gun" of demands and wants and desires at me all day long. Ratta-tat--tattt--rattta---tatt-tatt. God, it is exhausting. In the meantime, our 1 year old is a dream. She sleeps wonderful, and only has fits when she is tired and wants to go to bed.

The Dog Whisperer guy, Ceasar Millan, had a lot of good advice for dogs, which Christine and I applied to kids today, and it worked really good. His main message is that if you are feeling tense and angry and cranky, the dogs (in this case, kids) will reflect that back to you. So you have to be calm and dominant, totally at ease in your role as "pack leader." We did that, and it really worked. It can be a real challenge to stay calm. A real challenge. Did I say it is a real challenge?

I fell off the wagon as for the juicing goes, but I'll get back on again.

I am so deeply grateful to send the Love every day - so really grateful!!1

Day 8 A new puppy, relief from pain, and celebration

I am keeping track of the number of days in my paper calender (I am a number person) so that when I blog, I will always know which day it is. I am glad I started to count up instead of down.

21 day cleansing diet

I have started raw juicing again, for the longest time, I couldn't get myself to do it again. I am really glad. This is day 2. Yesterday, I blended raw green leafy vegetables, carrots, and apple juice, and drank that all day - along with some raw food from www.twomomsintheraw.com I am feeling really good about that.

Sciatica, or better said "Sigh-aaaaat-icccaaaaaaaaa"

My inversion table, I am so thrilled to say, has greatly reduced this chronic pain in my right buttock and all the way down my right leg. This has been the most chronic pain I have felt in my whole life. But I have been "inverting" upside down in my inversion table for 8 minutes in the morning and 8 minutes in the afternoon. I tried 10 minutes morning and afternoon on Halloween, but I felt really groggy all day. So I went back to 8 minutes twice a day. I will try to increase it again someday, but for now I am happy. It really feels absolutely fantastic for my body to completely and naturally stretch. It naturally pulls the discs in my spine apart, relieving the stress on the root of the sciatic nerve. PLUS, it gives me a mental energy that really lasts all day long. It is a great mental feeling. Wow. I am so excited to finally have some relief. I have been able to sleep on my right side.

12 beating hearts

We now have 12 beating hearts in our family. Humans: Me. Jill. Sorin. Liam. Sky. Prasad. Amelie. Animals: Emily the dog. Lakshmi the dog. Hanuman the puppy. Zeke the cat. Gaia the cat.

This last weekend was a doooozy. So much going on all day. Thank God Amelie is a relaxed, easy baby, or we probably would never have taken on a new boxer. I felt my brain turning to jello several times over the weekend, so I was really glad to make it to Monday when I could drive to work and let my brain air out. We had a family meeting on Sunday, and it really felt wonderful. A spirit of love enveloped the table (a nice break from the constant demands, arguing, and bickering) and each person had a chance to talk. And we all listened. It was really awesome.

Hanuman

Our new puppy is so darling. A black and white boxer. He has one side of his face white, and another black. I love his white eyelashes on one eye, and the black on the other. I love just looking at him, but I don't love all the accidents in the kitchen!

Om.

I have been toning (either aloud, in a whisper, or mentally) the sound of Aum, or Om, while sending Universal Love into this Exchange. I did 3 20 minute sessions yesterday, and two today. I may try and do another one. I can really feel the Energy so much more powerfully when I tone "Om"

Excited

I am celebrating so much to know that my sister-in-law and her husband found new opportunities out east and will be traveling soon. It is so wonderful to share in good news. My heart is overflowing with gratitude for them!

Okay - I AM WEIRD

After five days of counting the days backwards, I have changed my mind on that point. It makes my brain hurt. My wife, Jill, thought it was weird, but didn't tell me. She is used to it by now. Anyway, I am changing the posts to reflect a counting upwards to day 1,095 instead of down. Now my brain won't hurt anymore.

Day 4 - Feeling awesome

Yesterday, I did not blog, but I did have a really awesome 20 minute Energy transmission session - channeling the AUM vibration through my heart and hands - bathing these entire 1,095 days of my life, and of all contained in this Exchange - in this Universal, Unconditional Love. To me, that is what Aum is. Aum is the sound of Love - and many Eastern Mystics say that Aum is the sound that actually gave birth to all form. It is the Quantum Field. When I send the Aum, I really feel like I drop into this Quantum Field on a much deeper level than before.

I am so glad I missed that day of sending the Love. It helped me reorganize and realign my thoughts, and also helped me bring this to a higher level.

I need to inwardly vibrate Aum much more frequently during the day.

I did my session earlier today. Christine and I, along with Amelie, are going to Grandview to move my desk and a few things to Lenexa Kansas.

Inversion table

I got an inversion table, and last night and today, I have spent a few short sessions inverting my body. I got this for this chronic sciatica pain in my butt and right leg. In just a few short sessions, I am grateful to report that I think it is helping. I am cautiously optimistic.

Day 2 - Loving my Om Meditations

This is the second day of my three year journey - part one of a 12 year journey - of transmitting Universal Love through the Sacred Sound of Aum...

I did two 20 minute Om Meditations today, breathing deeply and sending the Om through my hands and into this Exchange. It felt positively fantastic. Truly.

With a deep breath, let all my cells and atoms gently rattle and vibrate, feeling the Earthquake of Om crumble my illusions away.

Day 1 - Aum, Om, Amen - the Mother of all Vibrations

Aum is Love. Om is Love. Amen is Love.

I just completed my very first session of *sending* or transmitting the Sacred Om Vibration into all beings contained in this Exchange. I can definitely feel my hands vibrating more and more. I dedicate the next three years of this process to merging with Om, to melting into Om, to disappearing into Om, and in so doing - to losing myself in Love.

I am counting down my days, from Day 1,095 to Day 1, to help symbolize my intention of sinking deeper and deeper into Om.

I now invoke the Holy, Sacred Sound of Universal Om into every thought, feeling, experience - into every second of every moment of every day - into my cells and atoms, mind and heart - for the next 3 years. For the next three years, I dedicate my mind, body, and spirit to the Sound of Om. In every idle moment, let me inwardly vibrate Om through my being. May I be an empty vessel of Om. May I disappear into Om. Forever vanish into Love. This is my ultimate aim for the next three years.

Here is my thoughts and plans:

1. Floor: For at least 12 minutes every single day in a row for the next 1,095 days, I will chant, merge, vibrate, and transmit the Sacred Sound of Om into all beings who are, or will ever be contained within the pages of the Universal Life Force Energy Exchange. This is the bare minimum.

2. Ambition: To chant, merge, vibrate, and transmit Om into this Exchange in 3 sessions of 20 minutes each, every single day in a row for the next 1,095 days - morning, afternoon, and evening. I will strive with all my might, all my strength, all my soul, to do three 20 minute sessions a day.

3. In every idle moment of my mind, I will chant and vibrate, feel and intone the vibration of Om.

4. Om, Aum, and Amen are the same vibration of Love.

5. When I am transmitting Om into this Exchange - I am playing with time. The next three years is like a cup. Each session of 12 or 20 minutes is filling the entire 3 year cup with the Vibration of Om/Love. So I am bathing every moment of my life, mind, body, emotions - as well as everyone else in this Exchange - of the next three years in the Energy of Om. It is like I am sitting outside of time, and when I breathe deeply and open my heart and chant Om, intending and feeling and directing Om into all contained in this Exchange - I am *sending* into the entire three years - all at once. Love/Om is Omnipresent - in all moments - so on the deeper level - in one session - it is easy to bathe an entire three years in this Energy. So in this way, the Energy is flowing 24 hours a day/ 7 days a week.

5. From sinking into the singular OM - I am one with all beautiful variety. From the ONE OM - comes the multitude of Universes and Dimensions.

6. OM is personal. It is the sound of God/dess, The Divine - loving me personally. As I send the Om into this Exchange - benefitting all contained in this Exchange - I am ultimately sending the Love back to the Divine.

7. In every second of the next 3 years, may I feel the Om that I transmit into the entire 3 years. May all in this Exchange feel the Om in the way that is best for them. It is mind-boggling: in 12 or 20 minutes, I can send Love to an entire 3 years! When we realize ourselves as the Vibration of Love/Om, we will realize that we can do magnificent things!

8. May I be an OM Broadcasting Station at all times. May I always silently communicate OM to every person I am physically around.

9. May I always - no matter how many times I have to - turn back to OM. When my mind wanders, may it always turn back to OM!

Missed a day - starting over......

Well, it happened. I missed a day. Yesterday, I went the whole day without sitting down and transmitting Universal Love into this Exchange. I went 174 straight days, and I am very proud of what I was able to accomplish. So, I am starting over. Today, was the first day. This is good because I feel like I am lifting myself up to a higher level of clarity regarding this practice.

I am thinking about doing this in 1,095 day increments, and I am further thinking about counting the days backwards, from 1,095 to 1. In this way, I am beginning with the end in mind: I have communicated Universal Love through my heart and hands, into this Exchange, for at least 12 minutes a day, for 1,095 days in a row.

Then I will move to the second 1,095 day period. Then the next, and finally, the next, which will come at the end of October, 2021.

1,095 days to 1, with each descending number, may I sink deeper and melt, disappear, further into the Vibration of Love.

This first 1,095 day period, which I could call the first quarter, I will focus on OM, or Aum: the holy sound that gives birth to the Universe and permeates every atom of the Universe. To me, Aum is Love, and Love is Aum.

In my own spiritual tradition, I have a technique that I practice in which I can actually learn to hear the Roar of Om. Om is Energy. Energy is the life-blood of the Universe. We are all Energy. Om is Reiki. Reiki is simply a Japanese word that means Energy.

So, day 1,095 has begun... I have already done one session... I am going to do another, transmitting the Vibration of Aum/Love to all contained in this Sacred Exchange.

170 Days in a row of transmitting the Love/Joy

May I release all of this illusion that I control anything,

that I own anything, that anything belongs to me, that my life belongs to me.

May I surrender this illusion of control at the alter of Love, may I pour my mind out into the stillness beyond time.

I control nothing. I am nothing,

no-thing.

I desire to be empty, totally devoid of desires for me,

for myself,

for all things me.

I have a long way to go, but this desire,

this fire in me,

burns just the same.

Burns away the thought that I control anything.

I am the flow.

Only the flow.

There is no me in the river.

There is only the flow.

Therefore, my goal this day is to give up, completely let-go, become nothing,

not even the air between clouds,

not even the space between the air.

Nothing.

Then the Divine can do with me

as She wishes.

There is no ecstasy greater than

emptiness.

U.L.F.E.E. Day 169

There is no control no power no holding on no making anything happen.
There is only yielding
letting-go
offering my intention to the Universe
and surrendering to the sacred
Ecstatic
Flow

U.L.F.E.E. Day 168

Day 106 of Joy

There can be no ecstasy

without

emptiness.

Again, I pray

empty me

please.

U.L.F.E.E. Day 167 - Joy Joy Joy Joy

Day 107 of Breathing my Whispering Joy

I am committed to deep breathing - to taking at least 48 deep, abdominal Joy-Breaths - filling my abdomen completely while opening my cells, and releasing my breath, totally letting-go. I am up to 36.

Service is Joy

Joy is Service.

If I am focusing my mind on surrendering, on emptying, on dissolving myself in service to Her, the Divine, the Supreme Joy of the Universe, then the Joy in me can blossom like a flower in the soil of my soul.

Divine Joy,

dissolve

me

please.

Fill my empty cup

then allow

me

the honor of

emptying.

Let there be no cup

no ego

time

space

designs

desires.

Let me be

gone.

Let You

Oh Supreme Ecstatic

Joy

take

my

place.

ULFEE Day 166 - Divine Unconditional Joy Bliss Ecstasy

Day 108 of Whispering Bliss

For the next 108 days, I am going to keep my mind focused on the ever-new joy, bliss, & ecstasy that I am. The Divine Bliss. And when I send Energy into this Exchange, I am going to send it as Joy. Ultimately, Joy is Love is Bliss is Ecstasy is the Divine. They are all aspects of the same beautiful Intelligence.

This is like my Joy-Bliss-Ecstasy bootcamp.

For the next 108 days, I will keep my mind concentrated on deeper and deeper levels on Joy-Bliss-Ecstasy.

I will do 48 powerful Joy Breaths every day. Breathing slowly into my abdomen (filling my lungs to capacity) while using my imagination and intention to deliberately open the curtains of my cells, atoms, mind, and heart to the light of my joy. Holding for a few seconds. Then slowly exhaling all the air out of my lungs while completely relaxing in one sweeping release.

I will listen to my whispering bliss affirmation audios before I go to sleep at night and when I wake up.

I will eat light.

I will count my days backwards, from 108 to day 1. With each descending day, I will sink deeper into the bliss and joy that I am.

Unconditional Joy - Unconditional Bliss - Unconditional Ecstasy

Rapture for no reason

I now fill my mind and body with the Joy that needs no name

the Bliss that needs no reason

and the Ecstasy that needs no form

to be.

Day 165

Divine Love,

My mind and body is an empty cup
A transparent vessel of joy.

Fill

me

up.

Day 164

I am the love in your heart
you are the love
in mine.

We are one in the same
love.

There is nothing more
to know.

Day 163 - changes in the way I blog

Announcement: From now on, I am not going to say "I sent the Love" - rather - I am just going to blog from the perspective that I do send the love every day. It has been feeling very monotonous for a long time, but I am stubborn sometimes, and it has taken a long time for me to let go.

Every time I do a "sending Love" meditation, I usually have inspiration thoughts pop into my head. Sometimes I write these thoughts down, and sometimes I don't.

So I am going to begin sharing short inspirational thoughts and poems that come to me during my daily love sending meditations... beginning with this one:

Don't just sit by the river of Love
jump in, disappear,
become the
Flow.

Day 161 - Sent the Love and moved the beds!

Sent the Love today - the Universal Love
Huge day - big - busy - exhausting. I went to a house to pick up a bed from a family who was giving it away on Craigs List. I took the bed apart in 90 degree heat, because the family had it so hot. Then I hauled it downstairs, sweating, and then loaded it in the van. I went from sweating to 35 degree weather, which was shocking to my body. Then Christine and I sold our Sleigh bed, and I helped haul that one downstairs as well. Tons of moving. I am sore and exhausted - but I feel great!

Day 160 - Rough couple of days

Sent the Love early this morning

Thursday, I caught a 24 hour flu bug, and that night it felt like I was going to die. Literally. It was the worst fever I have had in a very long time. I have not missed a day, in sending the Love. I was able to wrap my hands around this book and transmit the sacred Energy of Love into all contained within it on Thursday, Day 158, Friday, Day 159, and this morning. I am having a lot of emotional challenges coming up, relating to this pain in my butt - literally - sciatica pain. I have a nerve getting crushed between two discs in my lower back, and it seems to be chronic, i.e., it won't go away. It is always there. The nagging nature of it is starting to catch up to me emotionally. It's not funny anymore. "My sciatica! My sciatica!" Damn, two years ago I didn't know what sciatica was - but I do now, and I am only 42 years young. I think its a manifestation of early childhood trauma, which is something behind a huge fortress in the layers of my mind and body - something it feels like will never heal. But it will. Eventually, all that ails us will heal. I will keep sending the Love, keep receiving the Love, keep communing in the Love every day. Whatever will be, will be. If I have to live with this pain for the rest of my life, I will.

Day 157 - Feeling better than ever

I just melted into, and communicated the Universal Love
This session was deep, warm, wonderful, and beautiful. I can honestly say that my breathing sessions are really uplifting my mood. I can't tell, yet, whether it will get lifted to the same level that drops of 35% food grade h202 in distilled water gave me, but I do definitely feel uplifted. I did 12 power breaths before I got out of bed this morning, and had a clear head all morning long. I didn't take any energy drinks, instead just took an anti-oxident drink, and then had my yerba tea. I feel so much better today than I did yesterday.

The Love that I feel flow through my heart, mind, and hands during my sessions is tear-producing. It is very beautiful. A glorious feeling beyond words. I am really excited about staying on this journey of sending the Love every day. There are some changes I am feeling inspired to make to the book. One change I have thought about for a long time, is this:

Creating an actual "place" or "mindspace" for me to go to, and for anyone who wishes, to go to as well. I see it as an island paradise, with a curved beach, and high, green mountains towering over the beach, waterfalls pouring off of them. Gentle ocean waves rolling in. Only one rule: unconditional love. The only key that gets you in, is unconditional love. I see this as an "imaginary" space that people gan "go" to in their minds. The more people go to this space, then the more powerful and detailed and real it will be.

Psychologists and therapists alike have long advocated to their patients to create an imaginary safe place to go in our minds. To take a break from the every day stresses of life, and to help in dealing with difficult emotions.

But what about a mind space that more than one person can go to, to either experience the joy of solitide, or to psychically interact with other beings in a total atmosphere of unconditional love? What if, within this space, all the masters, saints, and sages of all religions - those beings who have mastered unconditional love - are invited?

I thought about having a guided relaxation, self-hypnosis script that anyone can listen to, which actually helps the person go within and relax into this creative space.

I am so honored, so grateful, to be feeling the flow of this Love increase, and increase, and increase in my mind and heart.

May you feel this love. Really feel this love flowing through you. Speaking to all who are contained in the quantum pages of my book, of course.

Day 156 - New Breath Experiment

In the last few months I discovered hydrogen peroxide as a method of oxygenating the body and boosting the immune system. H202 is a controversial therapy, especially when it is ingested orally. Here is what I did:

I bought 35 percent food grade h202 from a health food store. Not all health food stores sell it, because it is extremely caustic and poisonous if you get it on your skin or ingest it straight.

Diluted, however, is a different story. One Sunday in July I had a horrible cold, flu, and just felt awful. Thats when I decided to try the h202. So I got the bottle of 35 percent, and I put 3 drops into a glass of distilled water. (I used a dropper that I also bought from the health food store.)

An hour later, I did the same thing. (This must be done on a completely empty stomach - at least .5 hr before eating or at least 3 hrs after eating because it can cause upset stomach - only food grade should be used because store bought h202 has dangerous additives even if it doesn't say so on the bottle)

The next morning, I put just two drops in a glass of distilled water. Then, that afternoon, I put another two drops in a glass of distilled water.

Within 2 days, my symptoms went down 90 percent. Within 4 days, it was gone. I was blown away. A trip to the doctor and antibiotics would have taken about 8 days.

Then I did more research. More thinking.

I took it off and on after that.

Then, after we returned from Ethiopia to get our daughter, I got a really, really NASTY foreign bug, and again, I knocked it out with h202. It took longer, but I did kick it - AGAIN - no antibiotics.

Still, I wonder if it is safe to take orally. There are all kinds of websites about it, and many people do the "cure" where they work up to 25 drops 3 times a day (people with AIDS, CANCER) Doctors in other countries routinely administer h202 for all kinds of ailments, but here, there is a gag on alternative therapies.

So to the point:

A week or so ago, I began taking just 2 drops in the morning, and two in the evening - AGAIN - on an empty stomach and in distilled water. I was depressed when I started taking it, really feeling depressed, glum, totally down. Within 2 days, it totally lifted my mood and I felt extremely good, clear, happy, grateful. It totally knocked out the depression too. But still, I am a but nervous because I don't know what the long term effects would be. I am still amazed at how good I felt.

Now, I haven't taken any in about a week. So I am going to compare, and see if I can replicate the good clear feelings by taking regular deep breaths for specific sessions several times per day. What I do is slowly breath in, filling my lungs all the way up, and then hold for the same count, and then slowly breathe out, emptying my lungs completely.

I've tried the h202 and it worked awesome. Now I am going to try and do the breathing.

I think I am going to take 40 to 60 deep breaths per day, and see if I can lift my mood to the same awesome level that I experienced with the h202.

Day 156 - So grateful to melt into Love

Just emerged from a wonderful session
I truly felt myself melting into Love today. The session was magnificent. I am feeling so much more the energy of this Love flowing through me. It feels fantastic. Having said that, there are changes that I need to make in my habits, eating, lifestyle, etc., and the first is:

taking a break from drinking healthy energy drinks in the morning... I think my body is getting a little fried from drinking them. I have been drinking "Zipfizz" in the morning, along with vitalagy, along with tea, and this morning, I added even more stuff into the coctail, and my brain feels fried. I am feeling tired and energized at the same time, not a good feeling.

And the second thing is...

I am going to begin drinking the all natural, organic, unfiltered apple cider vinegar in the morning, and one cup of yerbe mate tea, and that is it. It is time to simplify my diet as well, so that I may feel this Energy even more.

Day 155 of 4,380 - a full Monday

I sat and melted into Universal Love at around 3:15 today.

It felt really, really magnificent.

I am so grateful for my tears, which tell me in a language only my heart and soul can understand, that the Love is reaching everyone in this book. The Energy is making a difference. I pray that I will lose myself a little more into the Consciousness of Love each time I transmit this sacred Energy through my heart and hands.

Amelie gave us a comedy act today, laughing and shaking and giggling and making a lot of funny faces at the dinner table. We were all laughing a lot. It has been a really good evening.

Day 153, 154 - Feeling the Love more than ever

Sent the Love into this Exchange today
I sat on our bed, a comfortable respite from the onslaught of kids and "look Dad..." and "can I have...." and "puking children on the way to birthday parties" and sent the Love. I could really, really feel the Energy flow effortlessly through my hands and heart, mind and body. It was really wonderful. I am so grateful for this practice. In all the ups and downs and triumphs and daily tragedies of raising 5 kids, having this practice has been a God-send. Although now I am feeling nauseated, unsettled, in my stomach. I am hoping I did not pick up some kind of weird bug when we were at the gymnastics academy for Sky's birthday party.

Sky is a panic ridden control addict
My beautiful 8 year old boy, Sky - my Guatemalan prince, is a total control addict. He has to have control - or better yet - THINK he has control of his surroundings at all times. After I told him that his mom would be moving stuff around in his room to carve out space for his little sister to sleep (his idea, mind you) he began complaining of a headache. Then, as we were driving to HIS birthday party at the gymnastics academy, he puked. Some got in the bag we gave him, some our minivan (named "Vinny") took in the floor mat. Poor Vinny! Then, driving back: he pukes again. Whew.

When we get back, he takes one look at his room, and discovers that it didn't get all swallowed up, he feels better within five minutes. All happy and even giddy for the rest of the night. This desperate need of his to always know what is going on, has at its core, a deep and consuming fear of loss. It is really intense in him. We can work on healing that.

Sky got real mad at me when I told him that he doesn't control the movement of the sun and the moon.

Real mad, indeed.

Deep breath.

Day 151, 152

Transmitted the Reiki/Love/Light/Joy
Feeling fantastic.

Day 149, 150 - Toning Kriya

Sent the Universal Reiki/Love today
Yesterday and today, I began to tone the Reiki Sound of "Kriya" when I place my hands on the book and send Energy into the Exchange. It seems really, really wonderful. I go into a deep state each time. Feels really good. Toning specific, healing sounds is a really awesome way to send the Love each day.

Moving right along - feeling great!

Day 148 of 4,380 days - Feeling GREAT!

Communicated the Love
After getting all 5 kids settled into bed, I plopped on the green chair in the living room and transmitted the Reiki. I couldn't feel my arms. I didn't have a long sleeve shirt on, yet, my arms felt delightfully numb as I felt the Energy flow through my hands like water pouring out of two waterfalls. I took long deep breaths, opening the inside of my heart wide to the Universe of Love with each inhale - relaxing completely with each exhale - and intending and allowing Energy to flow through my openness - through my hands - and into all beings who are within the pages of this book. Universal, Pure, Unconditional Love to you all. I have been so happy today, so definitely happy. This is because I have asked myself powerful, abundant, soul-inspiring, reflective questions today, like "What makes me so wealthy in spirit, mind, and body," or "What and who am I so deeply grateful for?" or "How am I feeling better and better every moment of every day?"

These questions and lots of others have helped me turn the tide from a negative state of mind to a positive one. I have also been keeping open my inner, heart-based smile, and inwardly shining it into the hearts of everyone I meet. This is what I do: I just imagine that there is a "face" on the inside of my chest, and I just smile on the inside. I open it up wide. Then I allow a soft smile on my face, not an overbearing toothy smile, but a nice soft one. Then when I see people on the street, or I stand in front of a judge, or I talk to someone on the phone, I secretly shine it into their heart. It really works. I notice that people automatically send me back a smiling twinkle from their eyes. The inner smile is awesome.

When I got home, Christine had to go to a meeting, and so dinner and five kids fell to me. I held Amelie on the Ergo carrier, and made everyone hot pockets. I spontaneously began singing, explaining in song the story of Amelie's journey to America, and Prasad's journey to America as well. I had a blast, Sorin got annoyed, and all was well! It was really fun.

Day 147 - Rumi Poem

i swear my dear son
no one in the entire world
is as precious as you are

look at that mirror
take a good look at yourself
who else is there above and beyond you

now give yourself a kiss
and with sweet whispers
fill your ears to the brim

watch for all that beauty
reflecting from you
and sing a love song to your existence

you can never overdo
praising your own soul
you can never over-papmer your heart

you are both
the father and the son
the sugar and the sugar cane

who else but you
please tell me who else
can ever take your place

now give yourself a smile
what is the worth of a diamond
if it doesn't shine

how can i ever put a price
on the diamond that you are
you are the entire treasure of the house

you and your shadow
are forever present in this world
you're that glorious bird of paradise
--Rumi

Days 145, 146, 147 - Sky and Amelie's Birthday

Sent the Love every day since day 144 - I am continuing this journey
Today, I got to the Love Transmission/Energy Communication at around 7:30 pm. I went downstairs and sat on my comfortable tan recliner - the one that is too big to get out of the basement. I still don't remember getting it down there. Christine and I tried with all our might to get it up the stairs, to no avail.

Anyway, it was really wonderful to sit down there in the dark, all by myself, total privacy - take my deep breaths - and give the Universal Love to all contained in this Exchange, and to all of life on our sacred planet.

Birthdays!!

We celebrated Amelie's birthday today, and Sky's birthday - all wrapped up in one. Sky had a toy semi truck on his side of the cake, and it was chocolate - while Amelie had pink icing and a bunch of smaller cars. She loved the cake. Got it all over her face. Sky was being bossy and controlling earlier, but then the day melted into a good one. I helped put his leggo-helicopter and motorcycle together. It was really fun, and fed my inner child who never had such amazing toys (sniffle sniffle)

I re-visit and renew my 12 year commitment

I now renew my commitment to giving the Love through my open heart and relaxed hands. I deeply send my highest Love to all within the pages of this Life-Force Energy Exchange. Unconditional Love. May it be felt and integrated on all levels of their being. The last few months has been a process of just hanging in there with this process. This is a 12 year journey, a journey of 4,380 days in a row of giving Universal Energy/Reiki/Love to others unconditionally through my hands. I have made it 147 days. Today it feels good. There are days I don't feel much of anything, but I keep going anyway.

We now have Amelie home. We can settle into a routine. A new rhythm. I think slowly we are starting to get our bearings. She sleeps really good, which is a huge blessing (knock on wood).

Gratitude

I have been practicing gratitude a lot today. The mind cannot awaken from its stupor of ignorant sleep unless and until it becomes grateful. This I am discovering today. I am going to begin saying THANK YOU 12 times in a deep and emotional way, to myself, to Life, to God, to the Divine - for how amazingly rich I am.

Days 143 and 144

Sending the Universal Love every day
I am still feeling tired during the day, but feeling much better. I am still in the process of trying to upgrade this whole process, but for now, I am just hunkering down and doing this every day. 144 days in a row! I am feeling good about that!

Days 143 and 144

Sending the Universal Love every day
I am still feeling tired during the day, but feeling much better. I am still in the process of trying to upgrade this whole process, but for now, I am just hunkering down and doing this every day. 144 days in a row! I am feeling good about that!

Day 142 - feeling a little blah

Just transmitted the Reiki
I had a good session just now. I felt the Love/Universal Energy flowing through my hands and heart, and I can feel this pit in the bottom of my stomach being enveloped in Love. From the jet-lag, to general feelings of discontent about my day job and some clients I have to represent, to all kinds of old issues that come up, I have been feeling a bit depressed lately. I need to get back to Tweeting more, which was a great source of inspiration for me before we left for Ethiopia. I feel like I need to "up the anty" somehow, shift things around, let-go of a lot of stuff. I want to re-do the ULFEE website, transform it somehow. I keep avoiding looking at it, because I know it needs to transform, always keep transforming, just don't know how just yet.

I am home this morning and early afternoon, then I have to drive to Sugar Creek Missouri to get a ticket amended for my client, then back home.

The main thing I need to do when I am feeling down, is just to keep sending the Love. I found it hard to send the Love this morning, but once I did, it felt really good. Just what I needed. I need to increase the times I send the Love. Do more mantras. More chanting. Pick up the pace of my spiritual development.

I would love to KNOW that the Love/Energy I am sending into this quantum field of life is making a difference, making an impact. I hope and pray that little sprouts of Love/Joy flower from within the minds, hearts, and bodies of all in this book - those that have asked to be in it - and those I have just put in it. I would love to know its received and felt.

I would love to just sit and send the Love all day long, and not have to deal with toxic clients. But, it is my path right now to deal with them - to send THEM Love - and to learn and grow from the experience.

Day 141

I communicated the Universal Life Force Energy today
I feel pretty good about it. I am having a hard time getting my mind in the game of work. I went to work early today, and stayed all day, and succeeded in getting very little accomplished. It feels like I am still fighting off the effects of jet-lag. My mind is way behind the train, running, trying to catch up. "Wait! Wait! Wait for me... oh never mind... I'll just find a nice comfortable place to take a nap."

I am hitting a wall with this practice. I am sending the Love every single day, and have done 141 days in a row, 12 minutes a day, and it has been deeply rewarding. Lately however, I feel like I am just going through the motions. I will keep on keepin' on!

Day 140

The Love has been SENT! <<<<>>>>>

Day 139 - One week home

Just had a great session sending/communing/communicating Universal Energy/Love

It's now one week home, and I am almost back to feeling healthy again. It has been a long and wonderful journey. Although I feel "buzzy" and lightheaded, I am feeling much better.

During my session today, I imagined and felt that our house was filled with all the Great Ones from all the religions and paths and traditions around the world. They were gathering in our home. Mingling. Talking. Socializing. From St. Francis to Babaji to Yogananda to Christ to all others, and all the invisible, unknown ones as well. Then this thought came gently into my mind:

Let there be no more me,
only Love.

At least for these 12 minutes,
let there be no more me,
only Love.

Let this be my vacation from the burden of me
mine
and all the stories and pains and problems and memories
that are attached to that illusion called
me.

Let there be no more me,
only Love.

Day 138 - Feeling better

Communicated the Reiki for another 12 minutes
This past 5 days since I returned have been really rough on my mind and body, but today, I am feeling better than I have in a long time. It feels really good. I just sat on my red sofa and had a great session of sending the Universal Love/Reiki. All my sessions this week have been in a state of mental and physical exhaustion, but I did it anyway. We are going through a lot of changes in dynamic/equilibrium at home. With the addition of our new child, there are now a host of new emotional issues that have arisen with the rest of our children. But in the end, it is all good.

I have been feeling the need to make some serious changes in my daily routine, clean out clutter, clean out my thinking, change my thoughts, meditate more, eat better. I was a ball of stress leading up to our Ethiopia trip, and now it is time to settle into a normal routine. With no big leaps over the Atlantic Ocean coming up anytime soon, I can calm myself down!

I am moving my office Nov. 1, so I can be closer to home. At first, I was freaked out about the prospect of moving, but now it feels really good.

I am sticking with this process of sending Love every day for 12 minutes. I am sticking with it like glue!

Day 135, 136, 137

Sending the Love every day
Every day I been continuing this practice of sending Reiki, yet I am going through a lot of fatigue, exhaustion, a bug, jetlag. A fast trip to Africa to get our daughter, and then coming back, has caused me to feel completely out of it. I am tired. I itch all over. I am recovering from a bug. It has been rough these past few days. The practice continues.

I am really happy to have our daughter home, but with it comes a host of new issues. Our 9 year old, Prasad, is now acting up in major ways because he is jealous of the attention she is getting. Tons of changes. I feel like completely cleaning out. Totally gutting my house of all clutter. Get rid of excess baggage in my mind and body.I want to feel like myself again!, and I will, it will just take time.

Day 123 to Day 134 - Ethiopia and Amelie

Communicated the Love every day of my wonderful Ethiopian trip.

I am so excited to be home, and have so much to say about the trip to Ethiopia, and my process. It was an incredibly enriching, beautiful experience. I am finally beginning to come out of my fog to where I can process it. Last night, the exhaustion of the trip hit me like a ton of bricks falling out of the sky. I thought I was literally going to come un-glued. After 9 hours of sleep, I feel better, but still feel really wiped out. I don't know how long it is going to take. But I am really happy to be home with this incredible soul.

To say that we adopted her, is true on the surface. On the deeper level of reality, she and the Universe, adopted.

When we got there, we were extremely wiped out from the trip. The Washington DC to Rome flight took about 7.5 hours, then we waited on the ground for about an hour for them to fill up the tank, and clean the toilets. Then the flight from Rome to Addis Ababa took about 5.5 hours. Overall a pretty fast trip.

Every day, except for the last two days, we took outings in the van. We saw Amelie for the first time on Saturday, September 5th. She was carried out by the nannies, and had her two fingers in her mouth (she uses them as a pacifier). She was wheezing from a chest cold, but we held her and she looked at us, and we spent probably an hour with her. On Sunday and Monday we visited, and then on Tuesday we took her for good.

I will post more at a later time, when I have been able to recover.

Day 122

I sent the Universal Love today
I am feeling much better in anticipation of going to Ethiopia. We leave for Chicago in the morning, and from there, we fly to Washington DC. Then Friday morning, we are off to Addis Ababa Ethiopia. I have done an enormous amount of personal healing in preparation for this amazing soul, Amelie, to enter our lives. This house is going to be a totally changed environment. It is going to be a wild ride!

I will now go to journaling to record this 12 year journey!

Onward

Upward

To Ethiopia we go!!!!!

Days 120, 121

Continuing to transmit the Universal Love!!!!

And in just two days, we take off!!!! Yeeehaw!

Day 118 and 119

I just transmitted Universal Life-Force Energy for about 20 minutes
And I did yesterday, too.

My lower back pain has come back, and the pain is centered in my right buttock muscle. This is the muscle that cradles the base of the spine. I have been throwing everything I have at this. Acupuncture on Friday. An adjustment earlier this week. Diluted hydrogen peroxide baths. Energy work. Drinking lots of water. Prayer. Meditation. Everything and anything I can do, I will do, to help my back heal so that I am in good health to go get my daughter in Ethiopia and bring her home.

Yesterday, I diluted about 4 cups of 3% H202 in a bath and soaked for about 20 minutes. Today, I diluted 6 cups of 3% H202 in a bath and soaked for about 30 minutes. Now, I am extremely energized mentally. I just meditated for a good 20 minutes and went deeper than I have gone in a long time. I feel over-energized really. The life force is bursting and blasting from my every cell. It has reduced my lower back pain but not reduced it. I am feeling fantastic and alive, and in pain at the same time. I know, know, know - that the source of this lower back pain is childhood tauma and abuse I went through. I have been doing a lot of healing this year, it has been a whopper so far. And I know I have alot more to go. I am not as anxious and frightened about traveling to Ethiopia - wow - we leave in just 4 days! My God! This is amazing. Another super-duper long flight. All in all - we are going to take off and land 8 times. I am so looking forward to seeing this baby girl of ours, and I am so looking forward to landing in Kansas City on the 12th of September, too!

Day 116 and 117

I sent the Universal Love yesterday and today.
All is well and all is good. Wish I could write more, but I have a lot going on in preparing for our trip!

Day 115 of 4,380 days

Transmitted the Reiki
I am feeling much more calm, less anxious and nervous about going to Ethiopia. I sent the Universal Love two times today, and I feel really good now.

There is no greater ambition for me, than to feel the Ocean of Love thundering through my heart, mind, and hands. From this highest ambition, comes the natural unfoldment of my life.

Day 113, 114

Still communicating the Universal Life Force Energy
I am like the little train that could...."I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...." Lately there has been a lot of preparing, alot of calming myself down. I have been stressed in the planning and anticipation of our trip. I recorded two more audios to take with us to Ethiopia, and I am wanting to buy several books.

I am moving right along. 4,380 steps/days. I am 114 in. Barely 10 yards!

Day 112

I sent the Love today
My hands, fingers, and whole body is completely sore and numb from a weekend of grouting the tiles on our basement floor. I spent all day yesterday grouting, and then all day today scrubbing and scraping off the crust and residue left over. Boy, do I have respect for people who tile for a living. I did take a break and did my Love-Sending thing. It was really great, and I feel great - but very tired.

Day 111

I sent the Love for an 18 minute session
I am deeply honored and grateful to have just sent the Love/Reiki/Energy through my hands for the healing benefit of all contained in this Exchange. I feel a lot going on in me, a lot of transformations happening on the inner levels of my mind and body. Some of it feels good, and some of it feels really weird.

A lifetime of fear
Does not disappear in 111 days. I know, I would like to say that after 111 days of sending the Love, that all my fear is gone, and that I am perfectly happy all the time. But in reality, sending the Winds of Divine Love through my mind and body stirs up a lot of fear, so it can be cleared out. I have always been afraid, ever since I was a little body, being terrorized by the grownups and others in my life. I put a lot of pictures of myself as a little boy in the pages of my book, and all this Love is flowing to him in all those moments of my life. This is causing alot of goop to be pushed around in me. I feel an energy blockage in the deep muscles of my right buttock, right up in there next to the cradle of my spine. I keep walking and keep working, and I got another adjustment the other day, which helped a lot. This, however, is what I believe about fear:

One tiny drop of Love inside the radiance of the human heart, is more powerful, more awe-inspiring, than all the fear in the world combined. I believe that this Energy of Pure, Unconditional, Universal Love is intelligent, and knows exactly what I need and what I am able to endure at a given time. My fear is healing, transmuting, transforming into Love more and more. I just need to look at it in the face, and then the Love can heal it.

Major fear:
I am afraid of being a white dad to an African American girl. This has been really big, unspoken fear that is filling up like a water balloon inside me. What exactly am I afraid of? That I won't be a good dad. That I won't know what to do, how to be, what to say. Afraid of what society will think. Afraid of it all. I grew up in the streets of Colorado Springs, and had racism pounded with a dull sledgehammer daily. I unconditionally Love my childhood, and I judge nothing, yet the wounds of racism are still in my heart. I once went to a "healing the hurts of racism" weekend workshop with a friend of mine, and it was a lot of sharing and crying and healing. It was absolutely amazing. I still remember that weekend. I left that feeling such a deep bond with African Americans, a deep Love for them. So I have grown and healed a lot. Nobody is born racist. We are born as Pure Love - and all the ugliness and pain are pounded into us by a very dysfunctional world. Even though I am scared, I believe that I will be a good dad, that I will do the very best I can, that my Love will rain down upon her mind and heart in waves upon waves of bliss and joy. I am not my past. I am not what people told me to be. I am not the ugliness I grew up in. I am not ignorance. I am Love.

I am the Love that needs no race, no name, no body to be.

I am the Love that needs no "personal story" to be. I am the Love that exists in the perpetual, eternal Now moment - the Now that encompasses all moments of time in compassion.

I am Love beyond all culture, nationality, religion, dogma, idea, or form. In this Love I am free.

And it is this Love, this Universal Love that Loves every person of every culture with unconditional intensity - that I have been sending to my little girl in Ethiopia these past months. It is this Love that will flood through me the first moment I hold her in my arms.

And yet, I am still scared. And it is okay to be scared. I still Love myself.

Day 110

Communicated the Universal, Healing Life Force Energy this morning
I am happy to be on this continuous journey of sending unconditional Love every day. I have a lot of ideas and inspirations that come to me while I am sending the Love, but when it comes time to blog, my mind goes blank. I really feel like my mind is empty. Right now, I am waiting for a pizza to be delivered. We have a long weekend ahead of us, a good one. This weekend, and the next, will be the last two weekends before we go to Ethiopia.

Today, I recorded "48 Descending Questions of Universal Love" which is a nice, relaxing audio. I am very happy with it. I think I will offer it as a free gift to all my twitter friends. May every human being on this planet awaken to the infinite Love within them. May we all forgive ourselves and each other - once and for all - may wee see the glorious truth of Love in each other.

Day 109

"Sent" the Love from within the Ocean of Love
Love is Energy is Joy is Peace is Bliss is Nirvana is..... It is all the same. I deeply pray for an awakening of compassion in my heart.

I am willing to Love myself unconditionally, and to Love other people unconditionally. I am willing to merge with transcendent Joy.

Willingness is all it takes for the miracle to occur.

Through the tiny crack of the willing heart, the Ocean of Grace can flood forth.

107 & 108 (Tues and Wedn)

Feeling good - Transmitted the Reiki Energy yesterday and today
I have had a very busy, good, and abundant week. I have been regular in sending the Reiki. Both days. I just put Sky to bed, he seems to be doing much better, not much of the emotional upheavals we have seen lately. Andrew (who now wants to be called Prasad - his middle name) has been having really fantastic days lately. I am very proud of him. I have been nervous and anxious lately about traveling to Ethiopia - I haven't been staying in the moment - but today it feels like I got back to the present moment. As long as I stay centered in the presence of Now, anxiety is impossible. In fact, as Eckhart Tolle would say, anxiety is only found in the past and future, and once we go into the NOW, all anxiety is replaced with an exquisite stillness. Plus, a healthy dose of B vitamins and feeling Universal Love flow through my hands - that helps too!!!

In two weeks and one day - we take off half way around the world - to bring home our fifth child (our third international child!) Wow.....