Dear Mr. Brown Rice

Hey Buddy,

How has it been going all these years?

I really miss you. When I first brought you so abruptly into my life in 1992, I was living in that strange apartment in Columbia Missouri. I had to walk up this huge flight of stairs to get to my tiny sleeping area, with two very small rooms. To get to the kitchen and bathroom, I had to walk around, and down the same stairs. It was like I was living in bizzarr0-world.

Anyway, just to impress and be like someone else, and for no other reason whatsoever, I cleaned out my tiny dungeon kitchen of all food, and bought a huge gunny sack, filled with you.

I ate you, and only you, for an entire week. In macrobiotic circles, it was called the "7 day diet" or something like that. I cooked you for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And I lost a lot of weight.

Of course, what I didn't do, was research. I just plunged into your tastes and textures without really thinking or planning, or anything. If I would have done some research, I would have discovered that eating only brown rice for 7 days wasn't recommended by the leading macrobiotic people anymore. Oh well.

That week started a health revolution for me that lasted at least 2 years. It involved consuming you every day, as often as possible, and bringing in beans, vegetables, some fruits, and an occasional fish. Oh, and the seaweed. I ate tons of seaweed for those years. And it also involved completely staying away from anything with sugar in it. No sugar! No high fructose corn syrup.

I remember all those days, when I would get home, put you on the stove, and then smell you cooking for me. I would put my head over the steam coming off of you, and inhale all your beautiful aromas.

What happened? It was the day that Mr. Sugar came back into my life. I was leaving Colorado to come back and study for what I called at that time "the stinkin' bar exam." Anyway, I consciously decided to eat a real sugary piece of junk from a convenience store. I remember how I weighed whether I should eat it or not, and just decided to plunge away.

Yeah, you and I stayed together for a long time after that. I continued eating you, but slowly, over time, I really got sick of eating you all the time.

Please accept this letter, as my formal apology. I just have a hard time eating you, because of so many thousands of times I have chomped you into my belly. I really want to get back together.

Do you still love me?

I hope so.