So what are my fears? What is my state of being?

I would call my state of being fearful most of the time. I am hyper-vigilent. I am constantly on the look out.

Irrational fears are constantly flying through my mind like a flock of lost bats, searching for a cave.

There is a part of my mind that is always on the lookout for something to be afraid of, some kind of threat, someone out to get me, someone wants to hurt me.

Just now, I am beginning to watch that part of my brain. It is a deep place within me. Almost like an entity. It is always scanning the horizon of my life for something to be afraid of, something to go into panic mode over.

And almost all of the time, they are irrational. I will tell my wife what my thoughts are, and she always squints her face in disbelief. They are completely irrational and almost never do they make sense.

The law practice is fertile ground for the fear-part. There are always fears that my clients are going to get mad at me and try to hurt me. Or they are going to file a complaint against me, or the judge is going to yell at me, or I am going to make a mistake, lose my license, go broke, and my family and I will be living in cardboard boxes, bla bla bla....

They just never come.

I realize this: It is not that there are more things to be afraid of, but there is a part of my mind that is constantly searching, magnifying, creating, and manufacturing things to be afraid about.

My years of healing work and now my fragile-growing practice of meditation has helped alot. I am a lot better than I used to be. I have done an enormous amount of healing work.

So anyway, bla bla bla...

When Sky asked me if I had any fears, I had to laugh, because BOY DO I HAVE A LOT OF THEM.

I didn't want to turn into Adrian Monk and start a monologue of everything I am afraid of... because that would make it worse, so I chose a simple one.

"I am afraid that I am going to make a mistake, and the judge will yell at me."

So, my son Sky, with a big smile on his face, helped me with that fear.