I just finished breathing my heart open and allowing Universal Love to flow through me. I could feel it even more this time. My hands were vibrating, and I could feel my arms tingling.
Overall, I am feeling an amazing transformation in my energy, calmness, outlook, and focus. I am finding myself much more connected to the Love during regular activities around the house. Like this morning, for example. I was washing Liam's hair, something I have done countless of times for the past 9 years. And I realized: in the work, the labor, our Love shines through. I thought about how often, during the course of a regular day, we communicate Love through our hands. We make food. We hold hands. We touch and hug each other. It is almost like the Master of the Universe placed a well of Infinite Love within us, and then gave us hands to give it all away.
Hands are absolutely amazing. I believe, that through the palms of our hands, we can send Transcendent Energy, Light, and Love into this world. Many people call this "hands on healing" when really it is much more fundamental. Within our hands is an Ocean of Quantum Energy, I call it Love, and with our intention, we can direct this Love to any person, place, or time. That person can be right next to us, or that person can be a thousand miles away, or that person can be passed on from this life. It doesn't matter. In Love, we are ONE.
Tony
My brother, Tony, was killed in a motorcycle accident when he was 16, and when I was 12. To me at the time, he was strong, powerful, angry, funny, and a total hero to me. He protected me, always, with a rabid Love. If anyone messed with me, growing up, I just had to go to Tony, and he would go and "kick their ass." As a young boy growing up in Colorado Springs, surrounded by bullies, groups of angry young people, I felt like I was growing up in a war zone. (My family life was extremely turbulent, too, but that is another story) I felt so completely loved and protected. I knew he was ALWAYS there for me.
So in August of 1979 when my Dad held me and Peebs in an awkward, painful hug and told us that "Your brother was killed in a motorcycle accident" I felt like my protector was taken away. I went completely numb, and plunged deep into drug abuse. Life became a surreal, freaky, numb dream. I couldn't understand the absolute callousness of society. How can cars just drive by, how can life just go on, when my brother is dead? I just couldn't understand the cold machinery of life when someone I loved so much was ripped from me.
My uncle Joe was driving the motorcycle with Tony on back. My uncle Jimmy was in the other motorcycle. They were riding side by side. Something happened, and the motorcycle with Joe and Tony went into a slide. Joe got his body ripped up really bad. His whole upper body was bloody. Tony didn't have a scratch on him, except that he complained of a side ache. (he hit a street sign with his body)
He got a glass of water, and went to bed early. That night, he passed away in his sleep from internal bleeding. It was his liver. When everyone, the day after, was at Joe's house crying and talking - Peebs and I found that glass of water he took to bed with him. In an almost ceremonial, sacred way, we sat on the side of the bed.
Peebs drank half of Tony's water, and I drank the other half.
Then we went and plunged into smoking as much dope as we could possible get our hands on. We had to. Life without Tony in it was a fucking nightmare. An absolute horrific dream that we could never wake up from. We smoked morning, afternoon, evening. We spent every waking moment looking for marijuana, smoking it, and looking for it again. There were these brief, surreal moments when we ALMOST forgot that Tony was gone, but then the cold reality always crept back. We did this for the next 6 years until, in college, I found sobriety through 12 step programs. (I have been sober ever since - 22 years now)
The reason I mention Tony
It has been 30 years this August, since I lost my brother. And I can say this: he went on protecting me. He never stopped. The near-death misses that I went through during my drugged years as a teenager, someone had to be there for me. I firmly believe that Tony flew over me with wings of Love and got me through so much.
He is just as much my hero in death, as he ever was for me, in life.
I can also say this: I feel so deeply connected to him. There have been times when I have thought of him, and tingles wash over my body, tears well up and flow down my face, and I know he is here. Thoughts would well up, and I feel that he is putting them in my mind.
Like right now. He is here with me now. All I have to do is think about him, and he is there. I think this is true with all those we love. We just have to think them in our minds, and we can send them our love.
Love is not subject to the seeming laws of time and space. Our very beings, I truly believe, are rooted in a Love that has no name, no form. It is a Love we are now, a Love we have always been, and a Love we will always be.
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